U.S. Santa Supremacy

Santa has had to deal with something new this year: Lobbyists
A common phenomenon in governments around the world, Santa would have to have been foolish to believe that they would never make it to Shanghai (see previous post).
Of course, kids have been lobbying to get on the nice list and add to their Christmas day loot, but as always, actions speak louder than words. When Santa gets letters from little kids, it can be informative, but the entertainment value is much higher.
The kind of lobbyists Santa has encountered lately is government officials from around the world. In the continual struggle for power and dominance, countries have at last resorted to proving supremacy by proving the accuracy of their version of Santa Clause. Some countries are upset at the shift to Christmas as an international issue because they just can't compete. For example, the netherlands has a Santa that lives in Spain most of the year, has 6 to 8 black men to help him (they used to be slaves, now they're just "good friends") and he beats kids if they're bad. David Sedaris effectively proves this theory wrong by pointing out that Santa doesn't know Spanish. Sorry Netherlands, you're out. (for more on the netherlands' santa clause see "6-8 black men" on youtube.)
I'm proud to live in the U.S where Santa Clause flies in a sleigh all over the world in a night and lives with Elves in the North Pole. Call me ethno-centric, but how could you think anything else? Our Lobbyists to Shanghai have it easy.

Christmas Issues

We all know that the north pole has been evacuated due to global warming. As a result, Santa and company have moved to Shanghai. Shanghai may seem a little counter intuitive, but Santa's allergic to penguins, so the south pole wouldn't have worked.
As a result of the worldwide economic decline Santa has decided to partner with Dubai and give the really good kids islands. Not enough islands you say? Thanks to Santa's new Indian Giver Policy, he has begun taking from bad boys and girls so the availability of islands has increased. A recent press release from Shanghai stated that the Indian Giver Policy will help with Obama's redistribution of wealth and will also help the factory be more enviornmentally friendly.
Concerns about lead paint and other harmful substances affecting the factory were also adressed in the press release: "Santa will not be drinking any milk with the cookies left for him in China. Further, the materials used in toy making were never supplied by China, and will not begin to be. Labels on toys saying 'made in China' were merely to test the children's belief." Such tests are also economical since, with less kids believing in him and being naughty, Santa can cut back on production costs. At some point he hopes to be able to cut back to 4 reindeer as a result of lower demand.
One issue still under examination by top executelves in Shanghai is whether or not coal should continue to be given to naughty lads and lassies (not just referring to Scots). Recent accidents in coal mines have made Santa wonder if he really wants to support such an industry as much as he does. Further, coal is heavy (more reindeer miles per Christmas) and its useful for naughty people; thus it could be used as a reward for the naughty and an unnessecary expense for himself. Alternatives being considered are Chinese manufactured toys or Chinese milk.