Thursday, April 30, 2009

Swine Flu

So the world has been amuck in the swine flu as of late. At work, when I read the papers, there is mention of pigs all over the place. This has caused me to think of two things. The first is to ask what the difference is between an epidemic and a pandemic. The answer is that an epidemic just spreads quickly outside of it's regular locality. A pandemic is a worldwide epidemic.

The second thought I've had is how the swine flu is simple proof of my feeling that pigs are only good for bacon. My road to this conclusion came through the ownership of my own pig. When I was in high school, I walked into seminary one day, and my teacher, who was moving and knew that I worked at a ranch, asked if I wanted his pig. The only though that went through my adolescent head was, "it would be funny to say I have a pig." So I agreed to get it, and my mom and I went and picked it up. That was the beginning of an era of regret. We tried letting it co-habitate with the dogs. It intimidated the dogs to the degree that they just avoided it. So we gave it it's own place. It was mean to us. It got out a number of times (it's name was Sophie) and the only benefit I got from it was using it for funny things like dropping it (in a dog cage) on a friends doorstep as a birthday prank, and stuff like that. I think someone suggested that we set it loose in the woods and dress up like indians and hunt it with bows and arrows. We never did. Mostly, we just took it the left overs, and waited... The wait finally ended one day in the winter when I realized that Sophie wasn't moving. I took a stick and tried to get a reaction out of her, but to no avail. I walked into my house and said rather non-chalantly, "Mom, what do you do with a dead pig?" She responded equally apathetically, "I don't know. I'll call someone." And that was the end of Sophie, the pot-bellie pig--also know as the Shawn's folly. Pigs are good for nothing but bacon.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Sunshine on a cloudy day...

Here's an ode to awesome people who reflect sunshine and add a little topping to the daily dose of provincial vanilla.

Here's an ode to my sisters, Chantelle and Mackenzie, who came to my work and delivered a mint and cookies and said "We "mint" to tell you to not go "cookie" during finals. The best part was when I walked out of my building to meet them and they were standing in the parking lot with giddy smiles that could be seen from a mile away. The couldn't say it without laughing.

Here's an ode to Whitney, who left a boxful of lucky charms on my doorstep this morning so that I couldn't fail my finals. She sent me a text telling me to make sure that I went out my front door when I left. So, I went and checked my doorstep and there was nothing there. So I looked around the apartment, and I couldn't see anything. So, right when I was going to text her and congratulate her on a giant fake out, and noticed that one of my roommates had put them on the stairs. True to character, I didn't read the sign as I walked down the stairs.


Here's an ode to the old man that I saw on the side of the street who's sunshine came in the form of old manness. I didn't stop to talk, but I'm pretty sure his name was Walter, and he was the inventor of sliced bread. Despite what anyone says, we all know that there is still nothing better than sliced bread. Thanks Walter!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Help Me Persuade Jordan


This entry is for everyone who knows Jordan Crook to help me persuade him to do something that he doesn't want to do, but that would be so, so, so funny. I, and others, have decided that one of the funniest things that could happen at the ward variety show this Friday is for Jordan to get up and talk about himself. He's worried about this being egotistical and whatever. Please comment on this post and help me help him understand how funny this would be, and that he should actually do it.

Monday, March 30, 2009

what should Shawn blog about today?

**fyi: whitney wrote this, opinions come from people who walked into S3 the night of March 30th**

this is really ridiculous. people littering. it's really ridiculous. i mean, people just throw stuff on the ground as if their mom is going to come and pick it up. mom's won't follow you around picking stuff up.
- Katherine Nelson

don't blog about me. no really, talk about how Jordan is confused that Shawn buys shirts with buttons on the collar.
- Jordan Crook

um... aliens are going to attack. oh, wait, what's that book? "11,002 to be miserable about" oh just go to my neuropsychology class.
- Randy

"I am a lawyer from Nigeria. Your great-grandpa has died and left you all his chattles."
- Jeff W.

hmmm... his cool shirt. I love his shirt. "doesn't he look beautiful today?"---"phrases for high rollers sake."
- Amanda

"Katherine, do you know where the peeps from your apartment are?" "yes, they are probably dead, I don't know!"
- Katherine

aubrey comes in wearing bright gold spandex - enough said.

"excuses, excuses. start singing Shawn."
- Stephanie

"why are you wearing that? yeah, let's talk about obedience."
- Jordan and Jessica

"where there is a testimony obedience is never blind."
- some homecoming Tati went to

carolyn knocks on the door. "oh you guys are having fhe.." and she runs away.

I hope you know that you are spectacular,
and it's not just because of your scrabble vernacular.
- Whitney

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Katie


Katie has waited very patiently for this post. When the idea of a post for her was thrown out, she expressed some desire to see it in the next couple of hours. Unfortunately, those hours turned into weeks. Sorry Katie.
I'm not going to lie. It's hard to write about Katie because she can be summed up in five short letters: BSNRN. The ratio of those letters to other words in a conversation with Katie is 1:2. I must say though, with such a high ratio, she does a fantastic job choosing her other words and letters so that you don't notice them too much.
Katie's schedule is a little unconventional. Like many nurses, she has to throw in her share of moonlit hours at the hospital. Occasionally, that schedule has been followed immediately by church or some other event that she goes to, and people consistently comment on her being "out of it." You would be too. By the way, if the thought crossed your mind, no, she doesn't have a hang over.
Katie has a knack for loving people. She has occasionally related stories of kids she has met at Primary Children's or on humanitarian trips that are touching, both in terms of the children's trials, and in terms of her apparent care for them.
In conclusion, Katie is straightforward. I didn't know that until I recently saw a film of her speed dating. Speed dating is an interesting enough concept to me, but Katie removed any question marks about her thoughts about it by wearing a wedding veil. Awesome... awesome.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Butterfly


I know that I've told one of you that your post would be next. Sorry. It will be after this. I had to post this story. I know this butterfly...
There was once a butterfly who wished for a bride, and, as may be supposed, he wanted to choose a very pretty one from among the flowers. He glanced, with a very critical eye, at all the flower-beds, and found that the flowers were seated quietly and demurely on their stalks, just as maidens should sit before they are engaged; but there was a great number of them, and it appeared as if his search would become very wearisome. The butterfly did not like to take too much trouble, so he flew off on a visit to the daisies. The French call this flower “Marguerite,” and they say that the little daisy can prophesy. Lovers pluck off the leaves, and as they pluck each leaf, they ask a question about their lovers; thus: “Does he or she love me?—Ardently? Distractedly? Very much? A little? Not at all?” and so on. Every one speaks these words in his own language. The butterfly came also to Marguerite to inquire, but he did not pluck off her leaves; he pressed a kiss on each of them, for he thought there was always more to be done by kindness.
“Darling Marguerite daisy,” he said to her, “you are the wisest woman of all the flowers. Pray tell me which of the flowers I shall choose for my wife. Which will be my bride? When I know, I will fly directly to her, and propose.”
But Marguerite did not answer him; she was offended that he should call her a woman when she was only a girl; and there is a great difference. He asked her a second time, and then a third; but she remained dumb, and answered not a word. Then he would wait no longer, but flew away, to commence his wooing at once. It was in the early spring, when the crocus and the snowdrop were in full bloom.
“They are very pretty,” thought the butterfly; “charming little lasses; but they are rather formal.”
Then, as the young lads often do, he looked out for the elder girls. He next flew to the anemones; these were rather sour to his taste. The violet, a little too sentimental. The lime-blossoms, too small, and besides, there was such a large family of them. The apple-blossoms, though they looked like roses, bloomed to-day, but might fall off to-morrow, with the first wind that blew; and he thought that a marriage with one of them might last too short a time. The pea-blossom pleased him most of all; she was white and red, graceful and slender, and belonged to those domestic maidens who have a pretty appearance, and can yet be useful in the kitchen. He was just about to make her an offer, when, close by the maiden, he saw a pod, with a withered flower hanging at the end.
“Who is that?” he asked.
“That is my sister,” replied the pea-blossom.
“Oh, indeed; and you will be like her some day,” said he; and he flew away directly, for he felt quite shocked.
A honeysuckle hung forth from the hedge, in full bloom; but there were so many girls like her, with long faces and sallow complexions. No; he did not like her. But which one did he like?
Spring went by, and summer drew towards its close; autumn came; but he had not decided. The flowers now appeared in their most gorgeous robes, but all in vain; they had not the fresh, fragrant air of youth. For the heart asks for fragrance, even when it is no longer young; and there is very little of that to be found in the dahlias or the dry chrysanthemums; therefore the butterfly turned to the mint on the ground. You know, this plant has no blossom; but it is sweetness all over,—full of fragrance from head to foot, with the scent of a flower in every leaf.
“I will take her,” said the butterfly; and he made her an offer. But the mint stood silent and stiff, as she listened to him. At last she said,—
“Friendship, if you please; nothing more. I am old, and you are old, but we may live for each other just the same; as to marrying—no; don’t let us appear ridiculous at our age.”
And so it happened that the butterfly got no wife at all. He had been too long choosing, which is always a bad plan. And the butterfly became what is called an old bachelor.
It was late in the autumn, with rainy and cloudy weather. The cold wind blew over the bowed backs of the willows, so that they creaked again. It was not the weather for flying about in summer clothes; but fortunately the butterfly was not out in it. He had got a shelter by chance. It was in a room heated by a stove, and as warm as summer. He could exist here, he said, well enough.
“But it is not enough merely to exist,” said he, “I need freedom, sunshine, and a little flower for a companion.”
Then he flew against the window-pane, and was seen and admired by those in the room, who caught him, and stuck him on a pin, in a box of curiosities. They could not do more for him.
“Now I am perched on a stalk, like the flowers,” said the butterfly. “It is not very pleasant, certainly; I should imagine it is something like being married; for here I am stuck fast.” And with this thought he consoled himself a little.
“That seems very poor consolation,” said one of the plants in the room, that grew in a pot.
“Ah,” thought the butterfly, “one can’t very well trust these plants in pots; they have too much to do with mankind.”
-By Hans Christian Andersen

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Sara Beth

Thanks to Sara Beth, I didn't have to decide who to spotlight this week. You should all appreciate her willingness to take the hit this week, which resulted in one of you being spared.

Sara Beth is famous. She never told me about it, but apparently, she has an awesome relationship with the band Rascal Flatts. So much so, that they wrote a song about her. Unfortunately, her chance at fame through a hit song got messed up when the band confused her with someone who had cancer. Thankfully, the real Sara Beth doesn't have to worry much about cancer. The extent of her health problems is confined to cumbersome boots and defects in the way she eats her salads. If you happened to see her with a handicapped pass... it used to be legit.
Sara Beth is Arizonian. For those of you who don't know what that means, it's a mix between the words "arid" and "zoni"--two ancient indian tribes who settled in the southwest and have caucasian looking posterity. Thus, if I didn't just tell you that, there's no way you would have known.
One of Sara Beth's great talents is what I call "the familial chameleon." That is to say that Sara Beth can fit in with multiple groups so well, that they actually treat her like one of the clan. Besides her school kids calling her mom, her friends' families are so fond of her that, if you didn't know the situation, you might think she was adopted (she fits in, but she doesn't change appearances. That's would be a little ridiculous.)
So, in summary, Sara Beth is an adaptive indian of reasonably good health.